Grief in Friendship
“Jon” felt hurt over the loss of a 22 year friendship.
“We grew up together,” he explained. “We went to the same middle school and high school. We stayed connected throughout college and would talk practically every day. They knew all my secrets and I knew theirs. Now we’re strangers pretending as if we don’t still follow each other on instagram.”
Losing a friend hurts– it can feel as heartbreaking as losing a romantic relationship.
I asked “Jon” what led to the rupture in their friendship?
He answered, “They had ended a 5 year relationship with their boyfriend and at the time I was newly engaged. My career was finally taking off and I understood they were struggling to find a career that they truly enjoyed. They were going through a difficult time and wanted a lot of my attention. I was happy to be with them, but I also struggled to split my time between showing up for them, my relationship with my partner, and my career. And I noticed every time we would get together it was always about them and never room for me to share about myself. They never asked how I was doing. So I brought it up to them and they got angry with me and told me I wasn’t a good friend. They stopped talking to me after that and now I see them on instagram with new friends going out to clubs and partying. I feel offended and hurt.”
Friendships may end for multiple reasons— priorities can take a different turn, maybe a shift in values, sometimes we change, or they change. Friendships can fizzle out or abruptly end. Either way, coping with the loss of a friendship can be painful.
Take into consideration these mindfulness tips for coping:
1) Show Yourself Compassion: The deeper our emotional investments in individuals, the more profound the grief is. This is a time to be gentle and kind to yourself as you process the emotions that show up– it’s okay to take your time.
2) Take Your Own Well-Being into Account: Consider your physical, mental and emotional needs and make choices that prioritize your health. This might involve setting boundaries, practicing self-care, making choices that align with your values.
For “Jon,” he is allowing himself to grieve– knowing that grief doesn’t have a set timeline as he continues to process his emotions. He recognizes he is transitioning to a new chapter in his life– newly engaged, focusing on growing his career and tending to his personal needs.
Editor’s Note: This is a fictional story and any resemblance to any real persons and/or events (past or present) are purely coincidental in nature.
